Warning: The below post is in the form of a rant. Reader discretion is advised.
Anger.Sometimes it's constantly there, whether around us or inside us... Sometimes, it creeps up slowly, catching us unawares, and sometimes... Sometimes all it takes is one thing, one small thing... a drop of water, a spec of dust, a word, a sound, good intentions, bad intentions, something as seemingly as light as a feather, to set off a chain of tumultuous events/feels into a volcanic eruption of dangerously swirling emotions.
|The view from my window as I type this.|
Most of the time I'm a pretty chill and easy going person...hmmn or maybe that's what I'd like to think about myself? *Friends reading this post please reaffirm. (Or disagree if you must.)* Well truth be told I've had a lot of people tell me that so we're just going to go with it.
When I was in High School I was given a minor role of responsibility within the club I was in, t'was nothing major. We had an issue with folders and chairs so I looked after that. Most of the time it was fine and easy however some of the junior students would get a bit careless sometimes so in order to make them listen the teacher used to say: "Beware the wrath of Maisy! If you don't want to incur her wrath then you'd better do blah blah blah." Of course everyone found it utterly amusing because I don't come across as an angry or scary person.
Jokes aside, what is this post all about then?
Well ~ I guess it's because I'm human and I do get angry. It just so happens that someone close to me did something to me yesterday that overstepped.... hmmn probably more boundaries than they realise. That's all good and well you might say, but what I haven't mentioned is the type of angry it was. What type of anger was it? It was DRAGON RAGE!!! Hahahehe... I'm not sure how to describe it, it's very intense and images that come to mind are the opening of Pandora's Box and dark anime characters with the crazy air swirling around them. That's how I feel...in an image sorta way. I have only experienced this intense kind of rage twice before in my life and they were all nearly the same thing and if my memory serves correct, if I include yesterday, I think I reacted the same way in two of the three occasions. It's [the-committed-crime-that-we-shall-not-name] something that effects me in such a way that my brain is almost like: "can....not....com...pute...mal...func...func...ucfjkld;fjlks", breathing becomes really heavy and then an intense all consuming destructive rage comes over me and..... lets just say things may have been thrown and destroyed during an internal shouting rant and monologue. Don't worry I don't do it around anybody, just myself, so no one gets hurt or anything like that.
Sigh, I don't know, I guess I just made myself sound a little like a crazy person. If I think about it in a positive light, it's only been this one thing that seems to tip me over the edge, if you compare it to all the other crap that goes on my life, (it would make such a wonderfully dramatic korean/japanese drama), it's really not that bad.
Since the incident I have calmed a bit and am not simmering so much, I guess I just feel a bit bummed. I had all these plans to write fun blog posts, study, do productive things as well as write an update post about some posts coming out soon...but I've been SOOOO angry that I haven't been able to focus or do anything productive. Posting this post will probably be the most productive thing that I've done all day. I just can't do anything, (in terms of study and creativity that is), when I'm upset or angry....well any form of emotional distress really.
|Here's another one to promote calm and deep breaths|
I'm not sure if posting this is going to be a good idea or not but I think I'm going to do it anyway.
Feel free to let me know if you've experienced something like this too, if you have any advise, or even if you think I'm stupid.
Next post will be much more upbeat I promise!